i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
