i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
