I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
