I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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