I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
