see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
