three words: i give head
three words: not that well
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
