We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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