No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
