We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
