i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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