i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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