Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
