your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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