The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
