he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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