I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
