So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize