I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
