If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
should my penis look like a turkey
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
