4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
