2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
