I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
