Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize