His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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