Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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