The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
