I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize