Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
smell my finger.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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