just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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