he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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