I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
