no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
