I looked at my own cervix.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
