PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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