he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
