I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
