Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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