so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
