hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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