I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
