When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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