i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You smell like stripper and shame
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize