I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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