So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
