i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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