I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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