His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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