the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize