Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want nice things and good sex
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
