you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
