Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't turn off my feet"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
