I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
