I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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