And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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