I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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