Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
