she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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