The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
