At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
