it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
