Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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