Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
