omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
