dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
