I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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