He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
