Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
