dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
