if you like me you must not know who I am
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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