i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
