Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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