No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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