North Korea, Best Korea!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
