Hey man sorry I got all grabby
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize