I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
