It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
