the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize