Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
