I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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