Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
