I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
