I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
