Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we made out on top of his cat.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
