True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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