haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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