aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
