I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
