too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
