somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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