All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
