My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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