I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
