oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
