Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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