i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and she was petting her beer can
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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