i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
