I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
