My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
