My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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