I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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