And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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