I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
