she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
