There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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