I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
