I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
