I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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