Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
