What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
