You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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